Sunday, October 23, 2011

"Jack & Jill" is Going to Suck

Not a big surprise, but the movie "Jack & Jill" is going to suck. Adam Sandler has been mailing it in for years, but this is even one step further. Instead of the usual "I'm here for the paycheck" BS, he's going full on Eddie Murphy/Tyler Perry; playing his own slapstick comic relief.

Friday, October 21, 2011

"The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, part 1" is going to suck

Sorry to start off with the low hanging fruit here, but "The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, part 1" is going to suck. The trailer pretty much says it all: overwrought emotions, Kristen Stewart looking like she's going to cry pretty much all the time, gratuitous shots of Taylor Lautner with his shirt off, everything building up to one giant battl wedding (wtf?).

Really? You need to split the final installment into 2 movies to build up to a damned wedding? This entire series is a triumph of the terrible idea that there is nothing so dramatic as a teenager feeling all angsty and wanting to bone more than one guy. Guess what, idiots? That's pretty much the way every teenager has ever felt.

If you're going to turn it into a movie (or, worse yet, multiple movies) make it funny like "16 Candles" or "Say Anything" or make it heartbreaking like "Dead Poets Society". But at a sheer minimum, get us to care about the damned  characters.

This blog is devoted to upcoming movies that we just know are going to suck; based on previews, buzz, particularly miscast roles, or our knowledge of the filmmakers' previous work.